Wow, where do I begin?? It doesn’t matter what your spiritual awareness is in this moment, I do not know anyone that isn’t being affected in some way or another by the current energies and "craziness" we are experiencing on our beloved Mother Gaia! I’m done with making any promises about when I will write. I truly felt like I have so much happening within my being that I could write everyday, to assist those that are experiencing the same, but don’t quite understand what’s happening. Well, that went out the window as I became completely immersed in physical/mental/emotional pain that has felt horrific, AGAIN! Again, I’m acres and acres of onions…not just a few hundred layers (again, need a winky face icon because this shit is getting real!). So, here I am releasing another very deep layer of programming and trauma and pain. I’m certainly not alone in this, so many of us are. We have been programmed over so many lifetimes, millenia! We also are carrying cellular memories of trauma, abuse, suffering from all past life experiences that haven’t been cleared. This is a monumental task and we all need to pat ourselves on the back for taking this role on! I’ve spent the last month “deep diving” again. It feels like this is a final round of what remnants have been left within the physicality of my being, that trigger fear and doubt inside me, at such deep, deep levels never experienced before. It feels like a “final” clearing, but, I could be wrong and see more layers still to appear. I don’t know in this moment. I can only go by my intuition and what I’m being shown/feel. In this past month I took a quantum leap in vibrational resonance. I did this along with a wave of other humans that were physically ready for the upgrade. In doing this my guidance was gone. My guides were no longer communicating with me. All I received was RADIO SILENCE! Week after week I’m struggling to release my inner pain and raise my vibe to hear/sense/feel/experience my guides again. NOTHING! Nothing but loneliness and isolation. I am real & raw on purpose because we need that in each other right now. We don’t need people to pat us on the head and say it will all be better soon, just smile and hang in there. NO, we need REAL. We need to be truthful about what we are experiencing so that we can be a source of support for each other. My goal is to be 100% authentic in all moments so I can be a spark for anyone that needs it right now or in the next moment. There are so many souls much further advanced in their “remembering” then I, in this moment, and there are many fast asleep that have no awareness of our evolutionary shifting taking place. I am in the middle, your average Light Worker. Just sharing my real experiences in the hopes that at least one other person doesn’t feel so alone.
So, my guidance just STOPPED! I remember hearing a channeled message from on High that stated we have our guides at the beginning of our spiritual awakening, that are familiar and trained for that level of vibration and expertise needed to assist us. When we take a quantum leap up the spiral of evolution these “starter guides” (I call them lovingly) step aside. I just asked a trusted source about this, to give me some clarity on what is happening within me; it’s very difficult to go from having a source within you that you have worked at developing a relationship and understanding how to communicate over many years, and suddenly you are A L O N E. AGAIN. I was told that this is the point that our Higher Self is really merging with our physical body. This isn’t an overnight process. We need to transmute all remaining lower vibrational frequencies within our being for the full integration to happen. I can feel this is truth for me. I have not only had “radio silence” but have been experiencing these huge waves of anxiety, fear, and self doubt, as I explained above. It’s been very extreme for me. I am a being of extremes, it’s how I came into this world. I’m passionate about absolutely EVERYTHING! Passionately happy. Passionately angry. Etc. Balance is where I’m moving into..... S L O W L Y :) Yesterday I was listening to a video by Glacier Rain, on YouTube. I really resonate with what she has to say and listen to many of her messages and updates. We are all looking for answers that resonate within us. Her video message was entitled Frequency Attacks- Artificial Flight or Flight being Triggered. It was exactly what I’m experiencing! The dark ones (Illuminati, Deep State, Cabal) are sending these signals on purpose to trigger a fight or flight response in our bodies! Remember, the lower frequencies of fear, anger, shame, doubt, embarrassment, anxiety, etc are what they feed on. They need these frequencies to exist or they will literally starve to death. This is why they have all these false flag events (along with creating distractions in one direction for slight of hand moves). Well, this is exactly what I’ve been feeling/experiencing the last month; a full on PANIC within me! Her suggestion is to reset our vagus nerve. I found many ways to do this online, and several I participate in daily. I clearly need something more drastic! So, I put my face in a bowl of ice water for 20 seconds like she does. It wasn’t as hard as a plung pool, I can tell you that! So, after the last month of the feelings above and doing the face in ice water plung, I had a very interesting experience last night. I want to preface this with every one of us has our own unique experiences. I have Light Worker friends that never get energetic downloads. I have other ones that have never experienced the vibration within their physical being , like I experience all the time. We are all different and feel/experience energy inside our body differently. I had a very large download last night, like I haven’t experienced in months. Very large. With it came a GIANT release. It felt like childbirth to me. I had a large wave of deep pain and sorrow where I cried very deep and hard; hysterically. Mike did what he always does during my downloads, he sits behind me on the bed, with his arms stretched out, holding the space around me. As I sobbed through the tears and pain I grounded all that energy into the crystalline coral of Gaia. This time was different; I didn’t just send my energies to the core of the Planet, I sent my consciousness with it. When I did this I exhaled all that pain, crazy, crazy deep pain. I exhaled it into the core of the Earth and just sat there, with violet and pink light swirling around me in a dance. The frequencies of unconditional love and the violet fire of transmutation. I just sat in that exhale for about 2 minutes, feeling like I wasn’t sure if I would ever feel the need to inhale a new breath again. Just sat in that quiet space I call the “void”. I believe this is what has been referred to by Yogi meditators as samati, but this is only my lose interpretation, I truly don't know. After what felt like many minutes, although it was probably only about 2, I drifted back up into my physical body and took a slow inhale once again. At this moment I started laughing and was filled with joy. The experience I just had made me laugh because it was NUTS! It was involuntary and ridiculous feeling…if only the walls had eyes!!! Mike has been with me during every single crazy experience I’ve had spiritually and he has sen a LOT! He has actually commented to me, “I’m not doing that”! Ha ha….like we have a way around it. There is only THROUGH! Today I feel much more grounded. I feel calm. Peaceful. Maybe even a little happy. My thoughts are coming together. My fever is gone. I have an appetite today. Oh, did I even mention that I’m having such trouble eating? Ive lost another 5 lbs because my body isn’t tolerating anything dense whatsoever! I stopped drinking wine (no alcohol) and caffeine 3 months ago. They no longer resonates with me and make me very sick. I cannot handle any dense foods so I’m only eating vegan. My appetite is also very diminished. So much just doesn’t resonate at my current vibratory level. This morning I put my face in ice water again. I think I will keep doing this if I start to feel those frequencies creeping in, and nip it in the bud! For now, I am experiencing a reprieve and I am sitting in a space of deep gratitude. As always, I truly hope that me sharing my raw truth with you is of some help to someone in need. I deeply LOVE you all and will continue to share as my own journey unfolds. Just remember, EVERYONE’S PAIN IS SURFACING RIGHT NOW. Have compassion for each other. It’s surfacing to show us what we are still holding onto, so we can release it and move on from this dense environment….for the betterment of every living being on our precious Mother Gaia!!!!! STAY IN LOVE IN ALL MOMENTS, THE BEST YOU CAN!!! Namaste & so much L O V E ~ Heidi